Blog
10 things our parents did that parents today should bring back
By: Becky Squire
Parenting is vastly different than it was 30 plus years ago. We have come a long way in parenting philosophies, including health and safety. Raising children is a completely different game than it was back then. But that doesn’t mean we can’t take some of our parent’s expertise and put it into practice. Vintage parenting might be just what this generation needs. Here are 10 things our parents did that parents today should bring back.
Put Each Other First.
Back when our parents were young, it wasn’t uncommon for marriage to be the most important relationship in the family. But somewhere over the last 30 plus years, parents have started to treat their children as the center of the universe.
Keeping your spouse a priority can be hard, but it’s essential to have a healthy and happy family. When my children interrupt me while I’m talking to my husband, I tell them they will have to wait (unless it’s an emergency). Children need to learn that everything does not revolve around them.
Made Kids Play Outside.
Most of my childhood memories are playing outside, using my imagination. My friends and I would be outside as soon as we got home from school. We would come in for dinner and then go back out until dark. I enjoyed watching TV here and there, but we always preferred to be outside.
According to the CDC, kids ages 8-18 spend an average of 7.5 hours every day in front of a screen for entertainment. That does not include homework or educational purposes. On the flip side, children spend a whopping 4-7 minutes a day engaged in unstructured outdoor play on average. Kids don’t need a sports court or a swimming pool to be entertained outside. All they need is their imagination.
Trusted Their Children.
I’m sure most of us (especially if you are old like me) can remember spending most of our free time riding bikes with our friends miles away from home, building snow forts for hours, staying out until dark, all without our parents knowing exactly where we were. You may call this “free-range parenting” or even think it’s dangerous. The truth is, children are twice as likely to die in a plane crash than get kidnapped by a stranger.
Didn’t Push Academics.
Before 1980, the main focus of the early elementary years was creativity and social skills. Children did not know how to read upon entering kindergarten and many didn’t even know their alphabet. They were taught to be respectful, to share, and to make friends. Culturally, our children are obligated to compete academically at these early ages which magnifies, if not causes, anxiety and stress in our children.
Taught Manners.
Speaking of learning social skills, I am always amazed at the lack of manners I see in many children and teens today. My husband and I spent a week cooking for 300 teens a few years ago. We would spend the entire day cooking, doing dishes, and literally serving food onto their empty plates for them. Were were shocked at the amount of “thank-you’s” we received: 2 out of 300. That’s a simple example. I could make lists of others who demand snacks or toys when they play at my house, or that take without asking, etc. It is refreshing when I come across those who have been taught well.
Ate Dinner As a Family.
I could write an entire article about this subject…oh wait, I did. That’s because it is so important and so easily overlooked. Parents today tend to sacrifice family dinners for extra-curricular activities and it is damaging. Children who participate in regular family meals are less likely to have anxiety and depression. They have less delinquency, greater academic achievement, and improved psychological well-being. Don’t schedule meals around your activities, schedule your activities around meal-time.
Made Their Kids Do Chores.
When I was growing up, every Saturday was reserved for doing chores. We couldn’t play with friends or any other activities until we had cleaned our bedrooms and done a few other of our assigned chores. I cleaned bathrooms, vacuumed, dusted, mopped, and more. Today children are asked to take on only the most trivial of responsibilities. You might be surprised at how much your kids are capable of.
Disciplined Each Other’s Kids.
What would you do if your child’s friend threw a tantrum or even hit your child? Ask them nicely if they would like to stop? Would we even dare bring it up to their parent? With our parents, there was an unspoken rule that if another child acted out, they would discipline them the same way as their own kids.
Held Birthday Parties at Home.
The birthday parties our parents would throw included cake, ice cream, and pin the tail on the donkey. They didn’t give every guest a basket filled with personalized party favors. They didn’t rent out the local trampoline park or hire a professional photographer or caterer (though the Arena is great option!). Yet we still had fun! It was a guilt-free party zone.
Kept Things Simple.
The best part of the “good ol’ days” was how simple it was. As kids we weren’t rushed from soccer to piano to dance. Our parents didn’t take us to Disneyland every summer or buy each child their own tablets. We got bored. We used our imaginations. And we thrived in the simple life.
Our children will end up fine–even better than we did. They don’t need to be handed everything on a silver platter. They don’t need to be the best at everything, or even at one thing. It’s okay if they fall and get hurt or get their heart broken. It’s how they learn and grow. And it will teach them compassion and kindness and love.
Breakfast
Breakfast When you eat breakfast your energy levels are kept steady and you are less likely to binge later.
NEVER SKIP BREAKFAST
Why? Eating breakfast within 30 minutes of waking stops your body from cannibalizing its own muscle tissue
while you fast during sleep. After several hours without food, the body suppresses its ability to burn calories in order to conserve energy. It goes directly after the muscle tissue instead, converting muscle to glucose for energy. The brain is sending hormonal responses to use the hepatic glycogen found in the liver to nourish the body. Since the liver can only hold about 15% of your total body’s glycogen, these reserves are used up quickly, so your body begins cannibalizing it’s own protein to create glucose to feed the brain. Protein in your body is also known as muscle. Slowly, over time, the more muscle that is used for energy, the less of it you have. This, ultimately, decreases your metabolic rate making it harder to burn calories. Since muscle tissue burns calories and not fat, it becomes more and more difficult to lose the fat and the weight.
WORK OUT IN THE MORNING?
No worries. Eat half of a banana, apple or any fruit; just enough to bring your body’s catabolic state to a screechin’ halt without over lading your digestive system. Then, consume a high glycemic Recovery Shake immediately following your workout. Within one hour of your shake, sit down and enjoy a real breakfast with all three macronutrients.
EAT A BALANCED BREAKFAST
- Your body constantly needs a mix of carbohydrates, protein and fat. In fact, the daily diet comes directly from a mix of these macronutrients. On average the experts recommend a ratio of 60/25/15, respectively.
- Balance slows digestion. We now know that when we combine our macronutrients, digestion is slowed. This is important because slow digestion allows there to be fewer swings in blood glucose levels, which minimizes insulin production and fat storage.
- When you eat breakfast your energy levels are kept steady and you are less likely to binge later. When you eat breakfast your energy levels are kept steady and you are less likely to binge later.
- Any time you eat, you’ll get a slight bump in your calorie-burning rate. Research shows that breakfast skippers have a lower than average rate. Oh yes, the first most important meal is always the post-workout meal – your Recovery Shake.
Eat well and remember, you are what your food eats!
Dan Young is President and CEO of Performance Food Centers, Corp. He is certified in personal training, sports nutrition and is a triathlete. He has competed in Body Building as well as Endurance Sports Activities. Accomplished in juice bar concept and design, he applies this knowledge to whole-foods nutrition and the efficiency to serving them.
[email protected]
www.performancefoodcenters.com
Make Your Child UNSTOPPABLE
BY NIKKI MORRO-PARENT COACH
If you want your child to be motivated to do the right thing, (even when others aren’t looking), to feel an internal sense of pride, and to persist through challenges, then listen up! Your attention is a powerful reinforce, so let’s make sure you are doing it, in a way that will benefit your child in the LONG TERM. To be honest, the distinction between “encouragement” and “praise,” is something that I learned rather recently. It makes so much sense, and makes such a huge difference, that I had to pass it on to you.
So, in a nutshell, the difference between “encouragement” and “praise,” is that encouragement focuses on the “process,” and the feelings of the person doing the task/working towards a goal. Praise focuses on the “end goal/result,” and puts more emphasis on how the person giving the praise feels. For example, encouragement would look like: “Wow, you got an “A” on your project! You must be so proud of yourself! It looks like all your hard work paid off. How do you feel?”. Praise would sound like: “I am so proud of you for getting an “A” on your project! You are such a smart girl! It makes me so happy when you get good grades!”.
Studies have shown that encouragement builds a sense of “internal” confidence, and leads to your child’s ability to take on a challenge, and persevere through adversity. Praise, if used too much, can build a false sense of confidence, that is dependent on “external” sources of validation. When a child becomes dependent on others for their self-worth, they tend to shy away from challenges. Their \”intrinsic motivation\” is overpowered by their fear of failure, and their need to maintain their \”positive image”. In other words, their motivations are \”extrinsically\” based on how they can avoid looking “bad,” and/or a need for approval from others; rather than a true love of learning, and an internal drive for accomplishment.
So many of us, me included, have been brought up by well-meaning parent, who did not know the effects of their words. Let’s try to change our language, to focus more on our kids, and their hard work, rather than how “proud” we will be if they get that “A”. By giving more \”encouragement\” and less \”praise\” we can instill in our children a lifelong love for learning, a desire to take on challenges, and the ability to preserver through adversity. If we teach them, that how THEY feel about themselves, means so much more than what others think, then we have given them a gift that can never be taken away. How powerful is that!
For more specifics on this tip, watch this video blog:
For more strategies like this, join Nikki’s communities on Facebook and Instagram @tothemoonparentcoaching. Schedule your FREE Mini Session, to see how Nikki Morro can help you reach your parenting goals, email Nikki at: [email protected]
Are you… Cardio Crazy?
Written by Dan Young
IS THIS YOU?
You take working out seriously. You are in the gym at least 3 days a week, and when you do Cardio, you do it with a vengeance until you are swimming in sweat.
You leave the gym and grab an Aquafina before heading for work or home. You believe that giving your body anything but water right now would defeat all your hard work and that any calorie that you put in your body right now would land right back on your hips.
Your body hasn’t seen any significant progress in quite some time. Unfortunately, though you workout hard, you are standing still. Don’t be alarmed. You just need to get nutrition right and watch the fat burn away!
WHAT WENT WRONG?
You have used most, if not all, of your stored glycogen during your cardio workout. The result is that your body is in a Catabolic or “Muscle Wasting” state.
Since you did not replace the calories that you burned within 45 minutes of your hard work, your metabolic rate took a nose dive and now your body has accelerated the process of burning muscle for energy.
THIS IS BAD! Every time you force your body to go into a Catabolic state your body begins turning muscle into glucose; the sugar that feeds your brain and provides the energy you need to maintain your metabolic rate. It is far easier for your body to do this than to turn a fat lipid into glucose, so your body will ALWAYS choose muscle first over fat.
SOLUTIONS
The secret to burning fat is keeping your muscle. The only way to keep muscle is to never allow your body to starve. When your body starves it goes into a Catabolic state which then burns muscle instead of fat, NOT IDEAL!
Your body goes into this Catabolic state 3 times a day:
Sleep — Solution: Eat a breakfast containing fruit within 30 minutes of rising.
Missed Meals — Solution: Eat every 2.5 hours after rising, don’t wait until you are hungry.
Working Out — Solution: A nutrient dense Recovery Shake immediately following your workout.
Enjoy a recovery smoothie at the Champions Pub & Restaurant. Make your ideal smoothie at our Smoothie Bar!
So you want to lose fat? Keep the muscle on your body. Do weight resistant training exercises and never allow your body to go into a Catabolic state. Fuel your body at the right times and watch lean muscle melt the fat away!
Eat well and remember, you are what your food eats!
Dan Young is President and CEO of Performance Food Centers, Corp. He is certified in personal training, sports nutrition and is a triathlete. He has competed in Body Building as well as Endurance Sports Activities. Accomplished in juice bar concept and design, he applies this knowledge to whole-foods nutrition and the efficiency to serving them.
[email protected]
www.performancefoodcenters.com
8 Steps to Better Behavior:
Written By: Nikki Morro-Parent Coach
Too often in our hectic lives, we are so busy getting through our tasks, and running from one activity to another, that we don’t have time to truly connect with our kids. We live our lives in a reactionary mode, and only stop to “put out fires”. Inadvertently, we send our children the wrong message, when we only stop what we are doing to scold and reprimand them. By doing this, we are telling them that the quickest way to get our attention is through negative behavior. This is sad, but true…for most of us. So, let’s retrain our brains…and our actions.
Here’s where we can start:
1.) Know that what you place your attention on WILL persist.
2.) Both positive attention, (praise and encouragement), and negative attention, (reprimand and punishment), reinforce behavior.
3.) Try to IGNORE negative behaviors meant to get your attention, and look for opportunities to ENCOURAGE positive behaviors.
4.) Fill your child’s attention needs with positive attention, and they will be less likely to seek your attention in a negative way.
5.) If possible, give one-on-one attention, with each child, doing something THEY like, with no distractions.
6.) Aim for 10-15 minutes, 2x’s a day. Do what you can at first. The “sacrifice” of time up front, will eventually save you time, when you don’t have to correct all those problem behaviors.
7.) Let your child know that this time is special, and that you value spending time with them.
8.) Be sure that you are in the mindset to engage with your child. If your heart isn’t in it, your child will sense it, and may feel like a burden.
I get it, for us busy parents, this is a TALL order. So, rather than getting discouraged, look at the above as a goal that you strive for. Your reality will determine the parameters of what YOU can do…and that is ENOUGH. If you just can’t think of how you can possibly carve out this special time, in your hectic schedule, then start by taking advantage of those “must-do’s,” in your daily life. Make it a point to include your child in your activities. (i.e. Have to do laundry?, Have to cook meals?, Have to take baths?…all these things can become moments of true connection, if you take some time to include your kids.) The key to making this time count, is that you make it a POSITIVE experience. Be sure to spend a little extra time with these activities, to make sure that there is some true bonding going on. Yes, this may slow things down a bit, but it will make your child feel seen, heard, and important. As a bonus, it will also teach them valuable skills, and ultimately help you out. For more specifics on this tip, watch this video blog:
For more strategies like this, join Nikki’s communities on Facebook and Instagram @tothemoonparentcoaching. Schedule your FREE Mini Session, to see how Nikki Morro can help you reach your parenting goals, email Nikki at: [email protected].
Conquer New Experiences with These Easy Steps:
Written By: Nikki Morro-Parent Coach
Let’s face it, new experiences can be nerve wracking for both parents and their kids…mostly because of the seeming inevitable meltdowns, and the social anxiety that comes with parenting in public. Why is this, and how can you set yourself and your child up for success? Many negative behaviors are fear based, so the more you prepare your child for the upcoming events, the less likely they are to be caught off guard, and “act out”. As adults, we take for granted, all the life experience we have, that our children do not. Our little ones are so new to this world, and they are experiencing new things daily. Sometimes, these new experiences are met with excitement and wonder, but often times they are met with fear and anxiety. As parents, we can help take most of the fear and anxiety out of new experiences, by simply taking some time to prepare our little ones ahead of time.
Here’s how:
1. Discuss expectations. Clearly let your child know what to expect, and what is expected of them.
2. Get resourceful. Use “Social Stories” and/or books, to prepare your child ahead of time, for unfamiliar life events. (i.e. making friends, going to school, going on a trip, etc.)
3. Stick to the FACTS. Try to keep the information as objective as possible.
4. Check in with yourself. Notice any feelings that arise in regards to the upcoming experience. If you are aware of YOUR feelings, you can more consciously lead your child through the experience.
5. Be sincere. If you have feelings surrounding the event, you can share them honestly. Try to express your feelings in a neutral way, to avoid projecting your feelings onto your child. Model for them how, you are navigating/processing these feelings.
6. Have a conversation. Ask questions to get a better understanding of your child’s feelings, and to coach them on self-reflection. Try to empathize, relate, and validate as much as possible with your child.
7. Come up with a plan. If some possible “problems/concerns” come up, in your discussions, help your child come up with a plan. Discuss some possible solutions/things that will help alleviate those problems/concerns. Having a “plan” will help you, and your child, feel more in control in an unfamiliar situation.
Preparation is a valuable tool for preventing tantrums, and other “negative behaviors”. Each new experience is a teachable moment. After a new experience, it is a good idea to have another conversation with your child…to check-in with them, about their experience. You can talk about what went well, what didn’t, and what you can BOTH do, to make the next experience better.
For more specifics on this tip, watch this video blog:
For more strategies like this, join Nikki’s communities on Facebook and Instagram @tothemoonparentcoaching. Schedule your FREE Mini Session, to see how Nikki Morro can help you reach your parenting goals, email Nikki at: [email protected].
3 Sure Fire Ways to Connect With Your Kids
Written By: Nikki Morro-Parent Coach
So many of our children’s “misbehaviors” stem from a feeling of lack of control, which leads to fear and anxiety; and a desire to be heard, feel needed, and important/loved. When we show our kids that we are their Confident Leader, by giving them secure boundaries, and following through with predictability and consistency, they can relax…and just be kids. As an added bonus for us, they will be less likely to engage us in power struggles, and more likely to LISTEN. Hallelujah!! Here are my top 4 strategies for getting your kids to listen, by setting fair and consistent boundaries:
- Utilize “Preparatory Warnings” to help with transitions:
- Set a timer -Let your child know that they have “x” number of minutes left of their preferred activity, and that when the timer goes off, the activity will be all done.
- Count DOWNs –i.e. “We will be all done coloring in 5…4…3…2…1.”
- Use natural endings/completion times. –i.e. “When this episode is over, the TV is going to be shut off.”
- Use “2 Warnings, Then Consequence Method”:
- 1st warning- Give warning.
- 2nd warning –Restate warning, and state specific consequence.
- 3rd follow through with consequence, if needed, and/or acknowledge your child for “making a good choice”.
- First…Then Statements:
- This tool can be used to give some predictability during transitions. (i.e. “First we will be going to the store, then we can go to the park.”)
- This can also be used to get your child’s “buy-in,” for non-preferred activities. Using this strategy helps your child know that they will get something they want, after doing something you want. (i.e. “First you need to cleanup your blocks, then you can go outside to play.”)
- Premeditated Choices:
- Many of your child’s “misbehaviors” are their way of exerting their control. If you give your child more choices throughout the day, they will be less likely to engage you in power struggles.
- This is a sly way for you to get what you want, while making your child feel like they are in control.
- Give your child 2 choices, both resulting in an outcome that YOU are happy with.
All these strategies are great ways to prevent “problem behaviors” …and set firm yet loving boundaries with your little one. By having these strategies in your pocket, you will find yourself spending so much less time trying to get your child to listen, and so much more time on the things that you truly value. Grace and ease with parenting is priceless!
For more specifics on this tip, watch this video blog:
For more strategies like this, join Nikki’s communities on Facebook and Instagram @tothemoonparentcoaching. Schedule your FREE Mini Session, to see how Nikki Morro can help you reach your parenting goals, email Nikki at: [email protected].